It’s getting out of hand. On two occasions in the past week I’ve been woken at stupid o’clock by characters clamouring to be heard. I mean, for heaven’s sake! Don’t they know a girl needs her beauty sleep?
The first one was Terry and those blasted gnomes. Terry is a character-
“I’m not a character!”
“Excuse me?”
“I said, I’m not a character!”
“Er, yes... you’re a character in one of my novels – you’re not really real.”
“I’m just as real as you!”
“No… You are a figment of my imagination.”
“I’m not!”
OUCH!
“What was that!?” My ankle is stinging something horrible.
“Serves you right, calling me a character. The gnomes just bit you!”
Muffled sniggering titters up from floor level.
“Yes, serveses you right, Missus.”
“Ssssh! Don’ts be upsetting her, you mugginpie, she’ll write you right out of the book.”
“She can’t. You’re real, whether she likes it or not.”
I ask you! Do you just see the things I have to put up with?
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, so, Terry, who is now REAL (really, really REAL!!!)…
“That’s better, thank you.”
“My pleasure…”
Terry first appeared in the second ever story I wrote about eight years ago. It’s a story for 9 – 12 year olds and it never saw the light of day because I was told it was “too Harry Potter” for the times. It wasn’t, but I know it’s not my opinion that counts. So Terry, those wretched, I mean, really, really real and lovely gnomes, a dragon and a whole world, where put away.
“And now we’ve stayed there for quite long enough!”
“You know what, Terry, I think you’re right.”
Guess what I’ll be working on next… That's what happens when characters, I mean, really, really real, er, people, start flexing their muscles.
So that was Terry, five days ago.
Then this morning Selena ripped the duvet off me at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. and babbled, “I’ve got an idea for a new opening to chapter one! Quick, get your pen!”
“But I only went to sleep four hours ago!”
“Not my problem that you were buggering around on Facebook! Quick!”
I now have three pages of what are most probably totally illegible notes to work through.
It’s not on, you know, really, it’s not.
“Oh stop whining,” mutters Selena and chews the end of a strand of hair.
“Don’t do that! And you’re not doing that in the book!”
“Whatever. Just because you think you can control me in the book, doesn’t mean you get to control my whole life! Now, I’m outta here, I’m meeting Chrissie at the mall.”
“Hey, wait, can I come with?”
WHA-' !?!?
“You can’t talk to her! You can’t, you know, talk across books!”
“Of course he can,” snaps Selena.
“Of course I can,” grins Terry. “So, can I?”
“No,” Selena says, “I don’t want some 12 year tagging along with me.”
Terry rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to tag along with you, d’you think I want to be seen with a bunch of GIRLS?! I just want a ride to the games arcade.”
“Oh, well that’s all right then. Come on. And oh,” she says, blowing me a kiss, “Good luck with that rewrite.”
Sigh.
Oh well, that’s that then, no more sleep. Again.
14 comments:
Don't you just love 'em! I have a weird, existential kind of feeling, that they are real. In a schizophrenic kind of way - they are manifestations of different aspects of ourselves. God knows what that says about me.
So stop playing around on facebook and use your nights for the REAL important things! I mean, they are trying to help you, aren`t they? They want to appear in a GOOD book, so you`d better read your notes carefully and rewrite. Haha, have fun. Shall I send you more pictures of garden gnomes?
When they come a knocking, you can't ignore them, even if their timing is a bit off. Mind you, I wish mine were a little bit more insistent:-)
hahaha good luck with that lot Nicky! and Geli has a garden full of gnomes next door - REALLY :-)
Mwahhhaaa! That Terry--dontcha just love him? Dear little anklebiter. But there is Good News. It's when the characters start talking back that you know you're really onto something. Trust me on this piece of wolfy wisdom! And don't ignore them, whatever you do. The resultant sulks are unbearable and can ruin a book.
Kathy, it says, that you, like me, are a whole tea party all by yourself! ;-)
I do think they are trying to help me, Geli but do they have to do it in the middle of the night?! You should see me today, I look like a panda! And yes, send more gnome pictures, I'll wave them in front of my lot and scare them! ;-)
Too right, Lane, ignoring them is not a fine plan. Bother.
I've already seen some pics of Geli's "neighbours" Val - frankly, I'm feeling overwhelmed by very small people...
Aha, see, this is what I suspected, Lucy which is why, middle of the night and all, I drag my sorry pen across paper, taking instructions, like a poor dolt, from People Who Do Not Exist because I know How Very Badly They Sulk! Sigh,
Hello fellow writer: I just discovered you on Monkeys on the Roof (great title by the way) and seeing your post I can only say yeah, me too, and so it goes in the head of a writer.
Hard thing is to keep reality and fiction straight.
On Monkeys on the Roof I read your comment about the decal to put on windows to keep the pigeons away.
Wish I had one for pileated woodpeckers when I needed it. Had one going for his own image in our window and drove me crazy. Did end up with a dramatic photo and just happened to have it up on my latest post in case you are interested. (It's the last photo.)
http://tinyurl.com/32eewrc
Good luck with your tribe of characters!
Delightful bantering, real obnoxious stuff, over the top mouthy. Love it! Yes, they do keep you up at night; they interfere with everything else you want to do; they make themselves at home wherever you are.
Thanks for the revelations.
Good to see you.
Brilliant post...They are real! At least my boy Ty definitely is. For a while he was making impotant decisions for me, which was pretty scary because he's not all that good at decision making.
They are truly shameless, but you're lucky to have such annoyances...it's worse when they won't come out and play ;)
This was a fabulous post...I so enjoyed it! It's so true...those characters just won't go away, especially during the night. And you just can't ignore them...those gnomes have really great ideas, by the sound of things.
Take care, Nicky, and maybe nap during the day?? Lol!
*LAUGH!!!*
I LOVE IT!!!!
Cannot wait to read the real thing, but dear sweet Nicky, be careful about letting your characters out too much... ;D
Scarlett & Viaggiatore
I wish that happened to me! I just get woken by a labrador spread eagled across my legs! I'm so looking forward to actually SEEING one of your novels so get a wiggle on!
Uuuumm have you swopped poccession by a mad chicken only to to be swallowed up by book characters????
xx
Post a Comment