Night descends in swathes of velvet. Darkness wraps inky arms around trees and houses, and creeps into nooks and crannies. Silence falls.
I am alone. He is away. I should be safe. I am tucked away behind six foot walls and gates. The garden is studded with invisible beams to foil the unwary intruder. The security gates which guard all the doors are locked. The doors are bolted, the windows are shut their burglar bars protecting them. The LEDs on the security system gleam with eyes that are ever-vigilant. Yes, I should be safe.
I switch off the lights and am cocooned by a sea of black. I like the night. I feel safe in the dark – unseeing and unseen. Stillness washes over me and I sleep.
My subconscious awakens, taps into the collective unconscious. It weaves dreams of trouble and torment. My sleep becomes restless. I toss and turn. My shoulders tighten, ride up to my ears. My gut, the emotional heart of me, gurgles in trepidation. My body breaks out into the clammy sweat of a cold night.
I awaken, ears alert. Outside all is quiet. Something thuds in the roof. I jerk. I run through the security checklist in my mind, remind myself that my neighbours – near and far – patrol the streets every hour of the night. I sense my angels around me, protecting me – as they have always done.
I fall into an uneasy sleep and again my subconscious encounters the collective unconscious. We are all one. We are all afraid. It is how we live. Muggings, rapes, murders, armed robberies, beatings, knifings, road rage, drug and alcohol abuse, child abuse, animal abuse, corruption, deceit… This is a society that bubbles with aggression, violence and fear. It touches everyone in some way.
Dawn rises and the first robin starts to sing, his warble of pure honey flooding the beginning of a new day. The rose-tipped fingers of daybreak stretch into the blue of heaven and the touch the granite face of the mountain with kisses of pink radiance. The guinea fowl with their strident calls advance along the road. Outside my window a squirrel chatters.
I awake – stiff, aching and unsettled. I stretch and do what we all do – our only way of coping – I bury my head in the sand – try to pretend things are not what they seem. Try to believe everything is different. My subconscious together with the collective unconscious prays that maybe one day it will be.
This is not the dream for which the great Madiba fought. This is not the liberation for which thousands of freedom fighters struggled. As I listened to our great elder statesman, the father of a nation, Neslon Rolihlahla Mandela, speaking in London at the unveiling of his statue in Parliament Square, I wondered where it had all gone so horribly wrong. This is not the dream…
(Images used in this post... courtesy of Google image searches.)
14 comments:
Not at all the dream, but this seems to be a world consuming itself on violence. Have we forgotten peace? Or is it just that we never knew it?
Is crime more in main cities of SA or even remote villages? is it mainly against a particular color? am not so much informed about crime situation there.
I can't recall ever reading of an uneasy night that was written so brilliantly. Fantastic writing, Vanilla.
Serenity is a state of being that I hope and plead for daily. But, when so many sharks are filling their pockets with the blood of the innocent, I don't see an end to it. I won't use any names, but I think you know who the "despised" tyrants of the world are. :)
The Middle East has never seen peace, but that's mainly due to the fact that they let their religious and cultural differences outweigh the similarities. After all, the Palestinians and Jews are cousins!
I have more questions than answers! :)
Thomas Jefferson once said, " Peace and friendship with all mankind is our wisest policy, and I wish we may be permitted to pursue it".
I think the violence breeds violence, V and you pose a really interesting question. I wonder, did we ever know peace - I think we must have or why would we all hanker after it so - but perhaps we knew it in another dimension...
Crime is predominant in cities, Ramber, though even villages do suffer from it - it's just less pronounced. There is also a form of violence that targets farmers. The violence is usually black on white or black on black.
Thanks for the compliment, JD. Yep, we live in a world with way too many despised tyrants. And our differences do seem to cause more trouble, when the irony is we are all far more similar than we are different. As Atyllah used to say, we're all the same species from the same planet - we're all humans - not like we're a mish mush of Humans, Draconians, Romuleans, Klingons, Andromedans etc - we're one race - the Human race, shame that we forget that.
Wise man that Thomas Jefferson.
Powerful writing Vanilla. Let's hope that one day the dream comes true!
Wise man, that Thomas Jefferson, and wise woman, that writer Absolute Vanilla ... who knows how to put words with words to evoke a time, a place, a mood, a feeling, a dream which is not the dream ... or is it, this violence, a nightmare we can't seem to awaken from?
Thanks, Jon - yes, let's hope.
I think it is a nightmare by which we've somehow became ensnared, Bonnie - but it's time for it to end - one cannot continue to live with such constant violence.
I want to say something deep and meaningful but this is such an endemic problem words escape me. I can't imagine having to batton down like that every night. Why do you stay? It's so hard to engender peace in countries that have felt the iron fist of imperialism but even when that's removed more often than not civil unrest and corruption takes its place and new minorities are created. Just look at Zimbabwe, Rwanda - black against black and total mayhem. There was so much hope when Mandela was released. The world doesn't seem to care much about Africa. Diamonds and coffee aint oil!
You are in prison, Vanilli, ask for parole and get the fuck out!
my heart pounded the entire read. good jog on the capturing the sense of unease, but so sad to think that you felt such distress. take care and be well. namaste.
Vanilla brilliant post and very thought provoking! There is only one thing that dissolves fear in my eyes and that is love. Expansive, magnificent, infinite love. Available to all of us. Fear only distructs whereas love heals. The battles are for the wills who are scared so they enter the game of power & control (no one wins).
I say rise above it and if each of us lets love prevail in our own lives then the rest of humanity will benefit too. It is up to us to change the collective conciousness. And, considering we were born into these times it is one of our biggests lessons.
Well, Baino - as to why I've stayed it's kind of a long story and a bit complicated but the bottom line is I plan to get away as soon as possible. Plans are afoot.
And you're right, no one gives a stuff about Africa. I watched the most heartbreaking movie (Sometimes in April) about the Rwandan genocide a couple of weeks ago and thought, "yeah, no oil, so no one gives a damn." It's a travesty when you think of the poverty but I suspect the levels of corruption don't do much to help either. The biggest factor in Africa's lack of development can be put down to one tiny thing... the tsetse fly. No, I'm not kidding and yes, the little buggers still wreak havoc. The saddest thing is the numbers of really good, decent people who suffer, not only at the hands of the West (and soon the East in the form of China) but also at the hands of their own, especially their leaders. I don't claim to understand any of it.
I'm talking to the parole officer, Minxy, and then we're just waiting for himself's current work contract to end, then I will ask you to please shove over a bit and make some room for us on Blighty's blessed shores.
Thanks, Kimy - I'm one of the lucky ones, I can make myself as safe as possible and I can leave - which I intend to do.
Cleo you are quite right, it is only love that dissolves fear but that, in these circumstances, is often easier said than done - and it is not for want of trying. And yes, you are also right in saying the challenge of our lives is to shift the balance of the collective unconscious to create a more gentle, peaceful and loving world. One starts with baby steps.
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