My life force was ebbing away - ebbing, seeping from me as though something had pulled my plug and I was emptying myself of that which kept me alive.
Fear sprang through the darkness - clutched at me, strangling me with terror.
I wanted to push it away... but I was devoid of strength.
There was no choice... but to accept. I was dying.
And in that moment of acceptance came clarity and peace.
The absolute nothingness of the dark lightened just a little... to a twilight... dim, filtered light, grey, watchful...
I was standing on a giant chess board... rough stone, cracked and worn beneath my feet. To my right, a towering stone wall - a fortress perhaps. To my left, the black silhouettes of spiring firs - marching up an infinite peak. Behind me... I don't know. Life, I suppose.
And ahead of me... A vast door set within another wall of stone.
I stood in the monochromatic gloom, looking, without comprehension... wondering...
Where was I?
I could not go back, could not even turn around to see from whence I'd come. The forest was forbidding, though the trees were strangely observant, almost protective. They seemed to represent some aspect of the life I was leaving behind.
I faced the door and advanced. It was what I was meant to do. Intuitively, I knew that.
The door swung open - just a fraction.
Light spilled out. White-golden luminance... shining so brightly I could hardly bear to look at it. But I wanted it. Oh yes, I wanted that light. I knew what it was. It was home.
The door - the portal between worlds.
The door opened further and I moved closer to it, reaching out with my innermost core to the brilliance that flooded through it.
They talk of the white light when they talk of near death experiences, don't they...? So... this was it... only there was no tunnel, just the chess board... the remnant of the game of life...
The fear left me. I surrendered. I wasn't losing my life. I was returning to it. Returning to the soul pool. Returning to the source of all created things. Oh yes. I wanted to go home. Please. Let me come home. My life force, the very last drops of it, trickled away... Calm descended upon me... total tranquility...
I... was... going... home...
A jolt surged through me. Then another. And another.
The life force pulsed into my being. The doorway began to close. No!
Not yet. Not my time. Not now...
I felt sensation return to my limbs.
I held the light in my heart, in my mind's eye - and slept.
What is death, after all, the beginning or the end? We've made it into something it's not - or have we? Which is the illusion... death? Or life?
(Both images used in this post were duly nicked off the internet and I am grateful that they serve my words so well - to the creators, whoever you are, thank you.)
16 comments:
oooh spooky! I hope life isn't a game of chess cos I'm crap at it! :-) (Chess that is...I think I'm not bad at life. Someone might yet tell me otherwise) I enjoyed reading!
This is beautiful. Good question. When I was a kid I used to wonder if I was really alive or simply dreaming.
Wonderful post. l tend to believe that life is one of the greatest illusions. Death is the graduation of what ultimately brings us back to the undeniable truth of our soul.
Don't worry, Jon, I'm crap at chess too. Life I think is something I'm finally getting to grips with. No, no, not checkmate!
Thanks, Marie - it says a lot about your truth for you to have been asking a question like that. Many would say that this life is all illusion, all a dream.
Thanks, Cleopantha. Yes, I'd agree, life is one of the greatest illusions, along with all its man-made constructs and mores. Death is simply the veil between the dream and true beingness.
Chuang Tzu asked "Am I a man dreaming that I am a butterfly, or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?"
Whatever is beyond that door we shall all one day pass through will either be dreamless sleep or else a new dream....
I remember that line of Chuang Tzu's, anticant - it always strikes a chord. As for what lies beyond the door, well, in one way or the other it will be the next part of the journey, the next adventure.
Penetrating the mystery or being okay with not knowing is the quest of my life. I'd like to believe the white light reports of those who have had Near Death experiences, but then I wonder if it isn't just the brain hallucinating.
I often like to pretend that shadows are more real than the things that cast them.
Well, I don't think I was hallucinating, Colleen - the scary thing was how very conscious and aware I felt...
there is no illusion only alternate forms of reality, wake, sleep, dream, life, death- all one on the same.
ACS Hmm, yes and no... :-) Because you see it depends on the definition of reality...
You have chosen a topic really dear to me. not just me, there have been numerous great thinkers who have debate as to is death an end of life, or start of a newer better one.
I would love to believe, its just a restart, restart to achieve our goal of ultimate knowledge, some of us take long time to learn about things, and some do it very fast.
so we may have to relive more lives to understand something another person might achieve in a single life.
So people who have achieved a particular level of knowledge end up living a superior life, no not in terms of lifely comforts, its just the same life seen from a different level.
well just a thought.
Hi Rambler, I'm inclined to think it's all a kind of continuum, really - as humans we just tend to package things in beginnings and ends. Perhaps it is all more like chapters in a vast book.
Have you read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche? Although written from a Buddhist perspective, it poses and seeks to answer some very interesting questions which mostly confirm my own view - death is but a veil, it is not an end, in fact, it is probably more like a beginning :-)
Beautiful, Ab Van. Thanks for sharing this.
A friend of mine had a similar experience following a heart attack. 'I was in the tunnel,' she said. 'It's true. I was there. With ... the KAISER CHIEFS! Fuckit,' she went on. 'I don't even LIKE the Kaiser Chiefs ...'
Well written!
I was completely entranced.
I don't think of it as a beginning or an end, merely a change - a morphing of form, an alteration of existence.
We were one thing. We become another... we journey a different way. Something like that. If we are part of a creator that is eternal, then we are part of that, and there is no beginning or end, just change and alteration all the way through.
Ok... before I drown in the deep end of the pool here, I'm off to see more posts...
Scarlett & Viaggiatore
Debi I presume we're talking about Kaiser Chiefs, the band, not Kaiser Chiefs the South African soccer team...
:-)
That was beautifully put, Scarlett - I think you have it pretty spot on.
Didn't know there was a choice!
Post a Comment